Health

When I left this morning, I assumed that everyone was fine. Aura called to ask me to give her a ride home from the clinic, when I get there aidan's school calls to say he is throwing up please come get him and when I get home I find out Mom is feeling sick today.
The day can change so quickly and unexpectedly!

A

I won't hear back on the new job till thirsday next week I guess.

The morrow waits...

Tomorrow I get to apply for the job I have been training to do and working at part time since Yule.
I hope to sleep.

There is no exam no interview most likely. I am the desired candidate. I have the required skill set ( I took a test to prove that a month ago)and more seniority than any potential applicant by a good margin (years not months nor days)yet until this is done I have this nagging feeling that I don't deserve it, that I am kidding myself or others and everyone will know when I don't actually get the job.

It is hard to live my life sometimes boldly (/ manically / maniacally?) optimistic and confident with these itty bitty little chasms of self doubt only visible when I actaully get to the edge.

A year ago I was asked by my manager "what do you see in the next 5 to 10 years for yourself?" I replied that I saw myself staying with the School District because my son was in school but I would like to become Web Master when it comes up and ... here it is.

Now what do I want to do??? Who knows.
A

Ageless or ....

Today Dad was talking to someone and Dad was talking about his boys. After hearing a little about the three of us the man asked if I was the youngest. Dad answered that I was the oldest which got the man quite confused as he figured I was about 24. Since that is a little over a month from being exactly reverse order of the digits I was happy, then I remebered someone else saying it wasn't how I looked but how I acted ...

hmmmmmm

Being on hill our place is more olympian than asgardian, however with all the trees around I'll keep to my naming conventions. I am getting a start on the yard now and I am thinking of Bifrost ... maybe a garden bridge with stained glass panels and prisms to catch the light or mabe virtual completely and have hanging prisms in alll the trees casting rainbow bridges throughout the yard?
A

hundt

Round and round we go on the breed selection. We were looking at Australian shepherds see: http://members.shaw.ca/hitide/ our first choice, http://www.holesome.com/debern/kennelpa.htm our second choice. Both of these haven't worked out for various reasons so we are back to Golden retreivers and looking at one fittingly named "dog" http://www.islandnet.com/~pacificg/New_stars.htm It would be a co-ownership as he is a show dog ... which we like in terms of quality of dog but ... are not sure about in terms of another set of time and energy commitments.

Round round we go ... maybe we'll come back to my Elkhound choice or maybe not.

A

problems on the blog

Not a real post just a placeholder to see if this fixes it?

Interlocution

Online conversations are the closest to interlocution in feeling. Chat, conversation, talk, visit all convey a feeling of that other mamal breathing the same air and warmed by the same sun.
Trying to reach out of my little cave lately, we'll see how long it lasts. I have tried 4 times since Halloween to get a puppy, each time it all looks like it is falling into place and then ... it falls through. I keep planning to go somewhere with Aura and ... life intrudes or I retreat into my little space and watch the box or play on the computer.
When I want to play with Aidan he's busy playing by himself then when he wants to do something I'm in the middle of a meal or a video game or .... something.
I am depressed and unmotivated and everything is basically going my way but it doesn't help, neither does knowing I'm depressed. I just keep answering that age old question ... how can I mess this up now?

Chrysalis breaking

I feel a change a tension, creaking and cracking around me. Something hurts and my eyes tear.
New paths open before my bleary eyes, new trails and new trials.